An Exploring of Sexuality

Being bisexual to me is feeling like I’m lying to my friends and family because I’m not straight like they think I am, but not feeling like I have the right to “come out” because I’m not gay enough.

It’s like the world thinks “straight passing privilege” is a good thing. I don’t want people to think I’m straight because that’s not accurate. But I feel like the world is telling me, “No, you don’t experience anywhere near the same oppression as gay people, so you don’t have anything to complain about. You’ve got no reason to make a fuss about your sexuality. If you were REALLY queer you could come out, but you’re only half gay. Don’t take the spotlight away from the important issues.”

I remember when I was in middle school and my best friend’s mom was talking about her niece, who liked both men and women sexually. She spoke in a negative tone about it, saying things like, “She’s just trying to shake things up. You’re one or the other. There is no both.” This coming from a woman who made it a point to teach her kids acceptance of others and tolerance of homosexuality. This really stuck with me, because in that moment I felt like the little progress I had made to discovery my sexuality was thwarted. I thought, “Then I must be a gay, because I do experience attraction to men.” Obviously, not the full story.

This made me feel like an impostor for years. If I’m a gay, why do I have a crush on that girl? I must actually be straight. But if I’m straight, why do I want to ask that boy out?

Now that I’m older and I’ve dated both men and women, I can emphatically say that my friend’s mom was right, there is no “both.”

This is because there are more than two sexualities!

I am not a mixture of gay and straight. I am one thing: bisexual.

I am real.

I am sure.

I won’t “decide eventually” because it was never a decision in the first place. If you know that gay people don’t choose to be born gay, why would you think that bisexual people will choose a sexuality?

Why do I feel like I have to be gay to come out as anything but straight?


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